The Hump

I was so excited! So sure that this was God's plan for me....The plan was great! I was going to be traveling for 9 to 12 months and then I would just start looking for a job again when I got back...But then doubt started to creep in: "Is this what God wants out of me or is this what I want?" Am I manipulating my way to look like God's way?

Once that doubt starts to set it, it's fed immediately by worry:
-Can I really do this?
-How will I afford all this?
-Will I be safe?
-Is this a wise thing to do?
-Will I find a job in this current economy?

Doubt is the biggest hump to any dream. It can stop you, delay you or send you reeling backwards. It makes you lose God's perspective and eats at your faith to only show the impossibility of the situation.

In January 2010, here's what happened to my dreams because of doubt:
-I felt like I didn't "qualify" to be an intern with the church so I didn't pursue it.
-Because of the circumstances then, I didn't feel like I would be able to truly enjoy the Steps of Apostles cruise. And of course, that would cut the Europe trip also.
-I was rejected from the volunteer grant to Russia. =(
-Counting the cost, I saw that there was no way I would be able to go traveling for a year without a job.

My dream seemed to be dwindling away, as was my spirit to fight for it...And so I did what I could only think of.....I gave it up....to God.

I fasted and asked God to clearly show me which way He wants me to go, and which ways He doesn't want me to go, in the upcoming 6 months (my contract turned out to be until June, not April, thus the 6 months). And I waited...to see what God answered....