The Hump

I was so excited! So sure that this was God's plan for me....The plan was great! I was going to be traveling for 9 to 12 months and then I would just start looking for a job again when I got back...But then doubt started to creep in: "Is this what God wants out of me or is this what I want?" Am I manipulating my way to look like God's way?

Once that doubt starts to set it, it's fed immediately by worry:
-Can I really do this?
-How will I afford all this?
-Will I be safe?
-Is this a wise thing to do?
-Will I find a job in this current economy?

Doubt is the biggest hump to any dream. It can stop you, delay you or send you reeling backwards. It makes you lose God's perspective and eats at your faith to only show the impossibility of the situation.

In January 2010, here's what happened to my dreams because of doubt:
-I felt like I didn't "qualify" to be an intern with the church so I didn't pursue it.
-Because of the circumstances then, I didn't feel like I would be able to truly enjoy the Steps of Apostles cruise. And of course, that would cut the Europe trip also.
-I was rejected from the volunteer grant to Russia. =(
-Counting the cost, I saw that there was no way I would be able to go traveling for a year without a job.

My dream seemed to be dwindling away, as was my spirit to fight for it...And so I did what I could only think of.....I gave it up....to God.

I fasted and asked God to clearly show me which way He wants me to go, and which ways He doesn't want me to go, in the upcoming 6 months (my contract turned out to be until June, not April, thus the 6 months). And I waited...to see what God answered....

The Evolution of a Dream

I guess the idea started on October 11, 2009...I was talking to this brother and he told me how he traveled the world in 3 months! He visited Russia, China, Egypt and all these other places. He came and went as he pleased and he was free of all responsibilities except enjoying the moment. I remember thinking, "Wow, I'd love to do that." In fact, I probably said it, feeling it would be a long time before I could do something like that, if at all! Little did I know that that conversation was a planting of the seed....

In November 5, 2009, everyone in the Bible Talk had each compiled a Bucket List as part of our discussion activity. The exercise helped me focus some of the things that I REALLY want to do during my lifetime and most of it included traveling. Looking at the list, I started to brainstorm how I could tackle it one at a time and the seed was watered...

Sometime in end of November/beginning of December, it kind of all clicked. I knew that my consulting contract would end in April and I kept looking at this list and thought "Why don't I take a few months off?!" The idea sounded insane but I knew it was possible, after all I already knew one person who did it! So the idea sprouted and I decided 2010 would be the year for my Bucket List!

Being an organized (aka anal =P) person, I started to create an itinerary of what I'd want to do. The possibilities circulated in my head:

                  "I'd love to intern with the church for at least the summer"
         "I should join the Steps of Apostles cruise"
                   "Maybe I could volunteer in Russia and learn the language!"
       "I'm already going to Rome for the cruise...I should see Europe too!"

And of course, going to Philippines for the International Singles Conference and volunteering with HOPE Philippines was a definite for me already!

I wanted to do everything! I was in a high...I applied to volunteer grants, started researching on the sights I would see, the things I would do, the food I'll get to eat, the churches I'll be able to visit...."It's gonna be incredible", I said to myself.....So will it?!

[And today's birthday shout out is to.....Theresa and Mia!! Happy birthday!]

So why a blog?

"I sometimes hold it half a sin,
To put in words the grief I feel.
For words, like Nature, half reveal,
And half conceal the soul within."
-Tennyson, In Memoriam

If you know me well enough, you'd know that I hate writing journals. In my possession are numerous unfinished journals with sporadic entries...So I've definitely put some serious effort into it...and failed! But I hate writing! I've hated it as far back as middle school! Not because I don't know what to say, or it's hard to find the time, or I don't find it helpful, no....I've written my share (very small share!) of poems and stories and pages of raw journal entries. In fact, I've found that writing helps me clear my system of thoughts and emotions and gives me back my sanity! But see, for me, a journal (a successful, consistent one anyways) shows the history of a person, the whole of a person, if you will (or at least what they've decided to reveal). And that has always been an intimidating thought for me....

So why a blog? Well it's entirely because of this adventure I'll embark on 5 weeks from now. For 3 months, I'll be traveling to different countries in Asia to the Caribbean to Europe to Africa to the Middle East. Sounds exciting, right?! Well if it doesn't to you, it most definitely does to me!! So...for me to remember this wonderful voyage and to keep my family and friends in the loop of the things going on with me even though I may be in the whole other side of the world, I've decided to write this blog.....After all, I hate having to repeat myself, so having my stories and experiences in this blog ought to minimize people asking me the same things over and over. =D

So please bear with me as I find my writer's voice and try to reveal myself to you (whoever YOU may be!) through this blog! Let's hope and pray I will be consistent with this blog and see it all the way through! =)

Oh and a Happy Birthday to Mhinnie today! =D

So....until August gets here, why don't we start with some flashbacks.....